I need to vent because I quite literally might go insane right now if I don’t start writing. I’ve had a lot of pent up anxiety and anger at my world today. Sheer rage to be honest. I’ve been feeling frustrated, stuck, upset… just so unhappy thinking about my current situation, my future, and the life I want to live. And when I’m like the way that I am right now, it’s this weird thing with your brain. It feels like your winding up a toy car and the more you wind it up the faster it’ll go. I’ve been winding up my mind all day. And I’m about ready to race off at lightning speed. (This may or may not be a metaphor for my racing and chaotic thoughts.)
And normally when this happens, I open my Bible app hoping so desperately that whatever the verse of the day is that day, it’s going to be directed at and completely meant for me. Like God himself told the app developers, “Hey on May 27th, Jessica is going to be going through a spot of trouble and is going to need Matthew 6:25.” And so like I said I opened the app and read the words and tears welled up in my eyes. No joke, like my breathing stopped.
Those first words. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,” literally stopped me in my tracks and almost made me laugh because that’s literally what I spent the entire day doing. Worrying about my life. God really said, “Hey… cut it out.” Hahaha. But He goes on to list all these things that we shouldn’t be worried about… the things we consume, how we look, material things, etc. Literally just such a reminder that these are things not worth worrying about. But not only does He say that these are all things not worth our worries, but then He poses a question challenging them by essentially asking is the life we worry about not so much more than all these things we waste time worrying about during it? And it really stops and makes you reevaluate if the things you worry and fear are—if those emotions themselves are valid or misdirected.
Thankful for the reminder to not sweat the small stuff. Life is worth worrying for, but not always in the way that we do. So much of the time I waste a lot of energy being upset by things that simply don’t matter. And if these things aren’t worth stressing over, maybe there’s greater things He promises that are. After all, there’s kind of a hidden part two to His question because if He’s asking us if there’s not more to life than these small stresses then naturally we’re inclined to wonder, “Then what more to life is there?” Maybe the promise is that there’s a life where you don’t have to stress or worry. Or where there’s other things worth your attention and stress. Maybe it’s just a promise and lesson of a healthier way to live and be. Just some food for thought tonight.