(12/10/16) Never really knew what to put here to be honest. I didn’t know if I should approach it as like an official biography type deal or just me writing directly to you. That’s when I thought, “Hm. Well, when I figure it out, I’ll write it.” And I’ve decided to write it coming from me. In my voice. Biographies are too cold. The substance is there, the accomplishments, the life… but it lacks heart. And if there’s one thing that sets this blog of mine apart from others, it’s my heart and my voice. Okay, that’s two things. I know, I know. The two however intertwine in such a way that makes them come together as one. The product? Me. And that’s what this page that you’ve stumbled on is all about. Me.
You can call me Jess. I have an unhealthy obsession with garlic bread. My bloodstream consists of exactly 73.2% Arizona tea. I like to paint my face for fun because I think it’s pretty and it’s art. Yoga is the only way I can relax even though it’s been years. I like to travel, but planes make me nauseous. Playing guitar makes me feel at home. Jesus Christ is my savior. I listen to Hamilton songs excessively to the point where a good majority of my friends are most likely considering an intervention. Reading is beautiful. And I find myself captivated wholeheartedly by this world and the people in it.
My complexity lies in my mind and the very nature of who I am. My brain does this thing where it remembers, analyzes, and observes more than the average human being thus contributing to my intelligence and insanity (same thing really). And sometimes my loneliness. It’ll go a mile a minute, thinking in pictures, in incomplete, in incoherent thoughts, in feelings only decipherable to me. And difficult to explain to anyone else.
The rest of it lies in the balance of my character. I find that a good chunk of my struggles are derived the fact that I am a blend, a paradox depending on how you look at it. Like being an extroverted introvert (which is how I’d describe myself). Mainly, I am forever fighting an ongoing internal battle between my academic and artistic side. Sometimes it makes me feel that I do not belong anywhere. That I am unwanted by both communities. Too much brain for the artists, too much creativity for the nerds. There is no winning. It’s like both hemispheres of my brain are fighting for custody over me, and I am stuck between following my mind or my heart. Having these sides of me allows me to know that the smart choice would be mind, but the right choice? It’s the one that makes you feel alive. The only time I ever feel alive— ever want to feel alive— is following my he(art). Life long passions can’t be suppressed or ignored. You can’t just not acknowledge something that means the world to you. To this day, I’m stuck in this push and pull, yin and yang going on between these parts of me.
I am only 18 years old, and this is only a very small glimpse into who I am. Believe me when I tell you that I’m so much more than what you just read. I am a laugh. I am brown eyes sparkling in sunlight. I am the things I create. I am the advice I give my crying friends at two in the morning. I am the messy hair when I first wake up. I am my struggles, but I am also how I overcame them.
I am a college student with so many passions and so many interests. I’m constantly learning, changing, and improving. I don’t know what my next move is, what I want to do from here on. I just hope that I’m not compromising. That I’m not disappointed. That I’m not settling for less. It’s a funny thing that we place so much importance on the rest of our lives, and then when life really begins, we don’t have the slightest clue. Still trying to figure myself and this world out. Still trying to figure life out for that matter. Welcome to this little portion of it that is mine.